The 'Don't Ask Me How I Know This' thread

Discussion in 'The Bothy (off topic)' started by Spinney, Dec 11, 2017.

  1. Spinney

    Spinney Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Location:
    Under the edge
    I'll start off.

    If you walk in softish snow, it's worth buying anti-balling plates for your crampons. You can try bashing them with your ice axe every few steps to knock off the balled-up snow, but you risk missing and bruising your shin or ankle.

    DAMHIKT
     
  2. Alicat

    Alicat Regular Member

    If you are going walking in snow and ice, try to remember your walking boots.

    Should you happen to forget them, on no account go to the pub for a drink while you decide what to do.

    If you do decide to set off and see how far you get, try to do somewhere where the nearest hospital that can treat broken wrists is closer than 3 hours' drive away.

    DAMHIKT
     
    Hill Wimp, ColinJ and Spinney like this.
  3. Rocky

    Rocky Regular Staff Member

    Location:
    On the sofa
    When doing a long distance trek, always pack a small pot of Vaseline petroleum jelly to protect against chaffing.......and don't try and protect the offending soft bits with two Compede plasters as they will hurt like anything when you try and pull them off.

    DAMHIKT
     
    Hill Wimp, ColinJ and Spinney like this.
  4. Spokey Dokey

    Spokey Dokey Regular Member

    Don't try and guess the route from Esk Hause to Wasdale in minimal visibility.
     
  5. ColinJ

    ColinJ Regular Member

    Location:
    Todmorden
    Less adventurously ... If you are 20 years old and it is Christmas Eve so you are going out to get very p*ssed AND it is very cold AND you will not be able to get a taxi home AND your new shoes are a very tight fit - wear your old shoes instead, and take the new shoes back after Christmas.

    (I staggered 2 miles in the shoes before the pain got too much for me so I walked the final mile home in my stockinged feet. I woke up on Christmas Day with a bad hangover, bleeding heels, and frostbitten feet!)

    Er ... DAMHIKT because I have already told you!
     
  6. carlp

    carlp Regular Member

    When decorating the coving in your lounge don’t over stretch on the work bench and end up in A&E with a broken arm.

    DAMHIKT
     
  7. Drago II - the sequel

    Drago II - the sequel Regular Member

    When brushing your teeth, be careful not to drop your toothbrush, bend over sharply to pick it up without thinking, headbutt the rim of the sink, and knock yourself out and end up with two black eyes.

    Gods honest truth - DAMHIKT.
     
  8. OP
    OP
    Spinney

    Spinney Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Location:
    Under the edge
    Might have to move this to the bothy - it was started here with the intention of walking examples, but some of the non-walking ones are far more entertaining. :laugh:
     
  9. ColinJ

    ColinJ Regular Member

    Location:
    Todmorden
    Ok then - here is another non-walking example!

    I was helping my sister do up a new rental property. A cupboard unit had been moved from its old position blocking light from the kitchen window, to a more sensible position in the corner of the kitchen. I then moved the washing machine into place and connected up its pipes.

    So ... if you are anything other than a total short*rse, when about to stand up straight from a bent-over posture, don't forget that the formerly empty space on a wall directly above a washing machine is now in fact occupied by a big cupboard with a sharp corner! :wacko:

    For bonus points, don't do it when 6' 1" tall and taking anticoagulants which mean that any head injury could lead to fatal bleeding on the brain!

    (Fellow CycleChat members may recall that I went out next day and cycled up a steep Yorkshire hill to meet friends at a cafe. One moment I was ordering coffee and cake, and seemingly a few seconds (but actually about 10 minutes) later I came round in front of a very concerned crowd. I survived the concussion but had headaches for a week.)
     
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  10. ColinJ

    ColinJ Regular Member

    Location:
    Todmorden
    Sorry - I keep telling YHIKT!

    Can we mention the mistakes of others that we have witnessed?
     
    Drago II - the sequel likes this.
  11. OP
    OP
    Spinney

    Spinney Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Location:
    Under the edge
    Why not, it's in the cafe, innit.

    (Ok, not actually as I type, but it will be in the Bothy shortly after you read this!)
     
    ColinJ likes this.
  12. ColinJ

    ColinJ Regular Member

    Location:
    Todmorden
    Cheers!

    When you are talking to a colleague and you are leaning against a rack of electrical equipment which has an array of big cooling fans at the back, do NOT absent-mindedly poke the grille on one of the fans with your index finger ...

    Unless you think it is fun and fashionable to have your fingernail torn off, in which case - carry on! :eek:
     
  13. OP
    OP
    Spinney

    Spinney Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Location:
    Under the edge
    Good grief - I'm impressed you're still alive!
     
  14. ColinJ

    ColinJ Regular Member

    Location:
    Todmorden
    Ah, no - I was watching in horrified fascination as my project manager did it. I couldn't believe that he was actually going to force his finger through the gap in the fan grille, but he did! If it hadn't been pretty nasty to see, it would have been funny ...

    I asked him why he had done it and he said that he didn't realise that he was doing it!
     
    carlp likes this.
  15. Drago II - the sequel

    Drago II - the sequel Regular Member

    Ah, well, In was brushing my teeth getting ready to head out for a walk! :laugh:
     
    hopless500, Spinney and carlp like this.
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